Well, the last chemo was number 8. The progress towards the half way mark is really moving fast. Perhaps I cannot count them any more!
My trip to Santa Fe/Albuquerque was wonderful but tiring. I will not be traveling again. I thought I might be able to go to El Paso in January but I think this is too much. There were several good things for me on my journey last week. I came back to Santa Fe without looking for my dear friend, John Wallace. He died 4 years ago during this period of time. I was so shocked and in Hawaii at the time. I could not come back for the service and saying good bye with the community, so I have just denied a part of his leaving. I stayed very close to his home at the time of his death. It was good to be in this landscape. I also went up to Abiquiu where many of my important moments with John and with myself have occurred. It was good to be nourished by the land and the smell of the air and the feel of the soft earth under my feet. Thank you Elizabeth for accompanying me up there.
Now I am home and have been reading a book on Life between Life. It is a fascinating book of case studies from hypnotherapists who do this specialized work. The case studies are interesting....but what I find most interesting is the cosmology or the way they have mapped out where a human being's soul goes....or perhaps more ....what happens to the soul when it is freed from the physical body. They speak about the means of communication and the importance of the communication to the soul. It seems that it is possible to not wait until one has this experience naturally...after death....but before dying so one can take advantage of knowledge earlier than normally done.
When I think of our distant treatments, of the communication that opens up within ourselves as well as to others who are important in our lives as we move into the practice of first degree, and the experiences of unusual character that occur with regularity in our practice, I am wondering if we are penetrating this veil also. If so, can we innocently go into the unknown and simply fumble around or is there more understanding needed.
In my teaching.....:Let Reiki Teach You....is the basic premise to these sorts of situations. I am going to explore this a bit further and see where this goes. This whole thing brings me back to my time/space theory within this practice and the experiences that happen with regularity in our daily lives.
Can one really live with the knowledge of both worlds....this Life and what lies beyond? This is my question for myself.
Will let you know if there is anything that comes of this exploration!
Until the next posting.....in reflection.....Phyllis
2009-11-28
A New Look
November 19, 2009
On the road to Santa Fe, New Mexico
Here I am on my first road trip in six weeks! And I have completed my six weeks of Chemo therapy, which is into the second quarter of the protocol So far the side affects have been minimal but have impacted my life in significant ways. And how knows what the far reaching effects will be. The unknown stretches out ahead of me. The scary part of this unknown is that it has the quality of spirit and the absolute flow of the universe/Reiki. No control, no pretense of control, and relinquishing the possibility of vision. I am seeing that vision can be a defense mechanism too. I am wondering now if true vision is of the ethers and not of substance.
The knowledge I am gaining about my body is tremendous. All my pre conceived notions about what I Should be eating, what I Should be doing, and what my body wants are not applicable now. It is my job now to listen as closely to my body as much as possible and allow my mind to resist without succumbing to the resistance. It is a tough battle! And mostly it is an internal struggle that I am not liking. I am finding out about my lymph system, what it is like to be slightly nauseous most of the time (which some people live with for years!), and what it is like to be able to do ONE thing at a time! No longer can I multi-task…and if I am tired, doing one thing that takes concentration is not possible. Sigh.
I also have been reminded that I am in the process of giving up the physical/energetic movement of having a point on the horizon to travel to and preparing for the journey, consistently, as I have in the last thirty years. I am finding this trip now tiring and amazingly long! 8 hours driving in two days! Used to be a no problem trip with a class or gathering at the end of the journey!
How does my psyche cope with stillness?
Years ago I was told that my job was to receive. And to receive whatever was given with grace and gratitude. Now I am being presented with another whole level of RECEIVING. The receiving is not on the material plane but on the spiritual and etheric levels. It seems that this love and support coming to me is not limited to a human concept of love and "wanting to help" but is sourced from a different place. This is opening me in a different way. And Thank You seems not the appropriate response. I have not thought of another one yet!
As I have told countless Reiki students, the most I can do is be the best student I can be, living the precepts, and listening, listening.
During the last years I have been more and more conscious of my hair. In the last months it has begun to attract more and more attention from me by coming out! During the chemo therapy this has become more and more evident. I sent a treatment to my hair…and did not get a physical "reason" for this and did not get a solution. What I did get was a message…..what is happening? How can you flow the flow? So I realized that having my hair cut down to my scalp was what was called out in me. As I thought about doing this….I realized that hair often represents the past and in cutting it off, I was releasing the past and letting the present start now. I also wondered about the spiritual significance of shaving one's head. I will see what happens in the next weeks. As I drove to the appointment with my hairdresser, I became more and more excited. Now it is done! And I love the feeling! At this point it feels like there is not a filter for the energy to come through to my head. I feel every nuance of the air around me, the energy, and my awareness has been heightened. I look forward to where this leads me.
You have asked…How are you? I cannot really answer this question. I can share some of what is happening now. Each day, Each week brings more and more to me. Only a part is able to be expressed in words. The Reiki I am receiving is supporting me in this major renovation and restoration of my spirit.
Thank you for asking. Thank you for being there in spirit and in thought. You are the richness of my life; inspiration and compost.
For continued updates of my process, please go to the Blog…
www. phyllisfurumoto.blogspot.com.
with love and amazement,
Phyllis
2009-11-16
Things I am learning about my body
Well, I never would have believed how much one can learn about one's body in such a short time. Part of it is, of course, that I am making this my priority and this is my first line of attention. When I wake up, my first thought is "How do I feel?" "What is my body feeling like today?" A few weeks ago, my first thought was "What am I scheduled to do today?"
So my report. I am learning about my lymph system, how to manually move the lymph fluid from my right arm and side to flow into the larger lymph nodes in my neck and groin area! I have special exercises that I should do three times a day. I am lucky to get two sets in a day. I am learning about lymph drainage massage, diet, and what is my future. Sometimes I am afraid of the fluid building up and then having no where to go. However, so far, it has been good. I also have a great physiotherapist who is helping me out.
Everyone tells me that it takes about 12 months for the body to adjust after surgery. I see that each day, each week, there are new little things that have healed. When the larger obvious wounds have healed, then the more subtle things arise, such as the lymph system. It is a fabulous journey and I have increasing wonder at the miracle of my human body.
I am having slight side effects from the chemo. Sometimes I have slight nausea which gets worse if I drive in a car or move around. I get motion sickness! I have never experienced motion sickness that I can remember! This is a new experience! If I eat certain foods....like a piece of toast, the nausea goes away. I am taking the anti nausea medication with the chemotherapy that is being given each week, but I am not taking the pills every day. This feels good. With the nausea, I am kept quieter and spend more time being with myself and not taking on projects or working. It is a good result.
The one side effect that I was assured would not be a problem is hair loss. I have been experiencing some hair loss from an unknown source for the last six or eight months. When I had surgery, this increased. Then with the build up of chemo in my body, the hair loss is becoming almost hand fulls! So tomorrow I have an appointment with my hair dresser! I may have her shave my head. This will just get it all over with....and I will only have hair to look forward to! Rather than looking forward to deciding if enough has fallen out. I also believe that this is a part of my path to be experienced now. I rather look forward to it. I feel that this will change something inside of me. Like my hair is my strength....a part of my control of my image. Now, without it, I must simply be me. I will see what happens!
The other thing that is noticeable is watching what I want to eat, how much I eat, and when I eat. When playing the transformation game in September, I drew the card: "You eat to nourish your body not feed your emotions." This was an important point to remember. I am eating some food that I think would not be appropriate and being okay with it. The doctors want me to eat protein to keep up my blood count. They want me to focus on keeping my body working with all of the toxins in it. How much can my body handle!
Much more than I thought. This is my thought now....and I have 15 more treatments to go. Well, we will all know in a few weeks how my body is holding up! I do know that the Reiki keeps me in my body, keeps my body strong and clear, and provides information about what it wants. Thank you for your contribution to my workshop of Body Awareness!
Time for bed now.
Good night. signing off....with hair! Phyllis
So my report. I am learning about my lymph system, how to manually move the lymph fluid from my right arm and side to flow into the larger lymph nodes in my neck and groin area! I have special exercises that I should do three times a day. I am lucky to get two sets in a day. I am learning about lymph drainage massage, diet, and what is my future. Sometimes I am afraid of the fluid building up and then having no where to go. However, so far, it has been good. I also have a great physiotherapist who is helping me out.
Everyone tells me that it takes about 12 months for the body to adjust after surgery. I see that each day, each week, there are new little things that have healed. When the larger obvious wounds have healed, then the more subtle things arise, such as the lymph system. It is a fabulous journey and I have increasing wonder at the miracle of my human body.
I am having slight side effects from the chemo. Sometimes I have slight nausea which gets worse if I drive in a car or move around. I get motion sickness! I have never experienced motion sickness that I can remember! This is a new experience! If I eat certain foods....like a piece of toast, the nausea goes away. I am taking the anti nausea medication with the chemotherapy that is being given each week, but I am not taking the pills every day. This feels good. With the nausea, I am kept quieter and spend more time being with myself and not taking on projects or working. It is a good result.
The one side effect that I was assured would not be a problem is hair loss. I have been experiencing some hair loss from an unknown source for the last six or eight months. When I had surgery, this increased. Then with the build up of chemo in my body, the hair loss is becoming almost hand fulls! So tomorrow I have an appointment with my hair dresser! I may have her shave my head. This will just get it all over with....and I will only have hair to look forward to! Rather than looking forward to deciding if enough has fallen out. I also believe that this is a part of my path to be experienced now. I rather look forward to it. I feel that this will change something inside of me. Like my hair is my strength....a part of my control of my image. Now, without it, I must simply be me. I will see what happens!
The other thing that is noticeable is watching what I want to eat, how much I eat, and when I eat. When playing the transformation game in September, I drew the card: "You eat to nourish your body not feed your emotions." This was an important point to remember. I am eating some food that I think would not be appropriate and being okay with it. The doctors want me to eat protein to keep up my blood count. They want me to focus on keeping my body working with all of the toxins in it. How much can my body handle!
Much more than I thought. This is my thought now....and I have 15 more treatments to go. Well, we will all know in a few weeks how my body is holding up! I do know that the Reiki keeps me in my body, keeps my body strong and clear, and provides information about what it wants. Thank you for your contribution to my workshop of Body Awareness!
Time for bed now.
Good night. signing off....with hair! Phyllis
2009-11-09
Health, is it a myth?
One day when I was receiving Reiki, I was thinking about my decision to take this course of Chemotherapy. Of course, a part of me was questioning my decision and asking, "Did I do the right thing?" Immediately, I understood that this was not the question at hand. This was simply avoid the deeper question. One of the lessons learned in the practice of Reiki is that there is no real right and wrong. We make our choices....sometimes they are not decisions in the way of the mind or logic! What is important is to look to our choices and the roads that close and open to us as a result of our choice. My father always said that I must be willing to go through the consequences of my choice. And so, in my moment of doubt, I ask.....Was this right!
Next question. What is the problem with Chemo? Is it that it "kills" healthy cells. Cancer, in some people's minds, is a response of the body to an unhealthy state in the body. Does this mean that cancer is unhealthy or that it is misunderstood? Perhaps this is simply a matter of perspective. But the next question came to me. What is health? Felip in Canada is always asking me, "Why, as Reiki masters, are we not more healthy?" What is health? How do we become healthy? When do we know we are healthy?
This reminded me of the dissonant chords of events.....a very physically healthy man in his late 50's dying in a few moments of massive heart failure. A woman who smokes and drinks whiskey every day, living in all of her splendor until the age of 95! A monk living quietly with cancer for years. What is our path as human beings? What does it have to do with disease and health?
In thinking about all these questions and the roads leading off to other places from them, I came to a thought. Perhaps this concentration on HEALTH is a fantasy of our new age thinking, of being able to live longer than we thought possible 100 hundred years ago, of thinking that we can control the possibilities of our lives. I have berated myself throughout the years about my diet, my dislike of walking, of not having enough discipline to do healthy things for me, and so on. Was this healthy thinking? I would say not. Did I fall out of health? Am I not healthy now?
Just after my surgery, I felt so healthy! And it seemed like a joke! How could I be healthy when I just had surgery for cancer?
Perhaps the concentration on Health is somehow a cover up for something else. In these days of contemplation and time to follow up on some of my byways of thought, I will come to another conclusion...perhaps. For now, I am letting go of my need to be healthy, in the new age magazine image, and just be me. As I am now.
Open for your comments! Phyllis
Next question. What is the problem with Chemo? Is it that it "kills" healthy cells. Cancer, in some people's minds, is a response of the body to an unhealthy state in the body. Does this mean that cancer is unhealthy or that it is misunderstood? Perhaps this is simply a matter of perspective. But the next question came to me. What is health? Felip in Canada is always asking me, "Why, as Reiki masters, are we not more healthy?" What is health? How do we become healthy? When do we know we are healthy?
This reminded me of the dissonant chords of events.....a very physically healthy man in his late 50's dying in a few moments of massive heart failure. A woman who smokes and drinks whiskey every day, living in all of her splendor until the age of 95! A monk living quietly with cancer for years. What is our path as human beings? What does it have to do with disease and health?
In thinking about all these questions and the roads leading off to other places from them, I came to a thought. Perhaps this concentration on HEALTH is a fantasy of our new age thinking, of being able to live longer than we thought possible 100 hundred years ago, of thinking that we can control the possibilities of our lives. I have berated myself throughout the years about my diet, my dislike of walking, of not having enough discipline to do healthy things for me, and so on. Was this healthy thinking? I would say not. Did I fall out of health? Am I not healthy now?
Just after my surgery, I felt so healthy! And it seemed like a joke! How could I be healthy when I just had surgery for cancer?
Perhaps the concentration on Health is somehow a cover up for something else. In these days of contemplation and time to follow up on some of my byways of thought, I will come to another conclusion...perhaps. For now, I am letting go of my need to be healthy, in the new age magazine image, and just be me. As I am now.
Open for your comments! Phyllis
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