First my report: This week's treatment was almost totally clear of my usual aversion and fog. I feel that this was thanks to you! Thank you for your support on this! Thursday was a total bed day, though I did talk on the phone for several hours. Some how this was a day that many people called. Then today I rested until 11 and then got up, went into Tucson to do some errands. Kate Jones is here now from England and is doing a wonderful job of supporting me while Joyce is having a well deserved R&R.
This last week my right arm was very swollen and I was afraid of the lymphodema...so I have been exercising regularly, getting massage for it, and being more careful of salty foods and so on. It is going down now. Whew! My dizziness is not as bad though still present. It is mostly when I lay down! And I as I am eating better, I feel better about my self care, which is good.
Tomorrow I am playing the Game of Transformation with Kate and another dear friend. My focus is "I open to my spiritual connection with the Ranch." This is my next step of entering into a conscious relationship with the Ranch and its calling. So many things are swirling around and I feel that this is a way to let go of the mental and logical aspects and feel the heart/spirit.
A week ago I went to see AVATAR, the movie. Of course I wore the glasses and saw it in 3-D. I cannot recount all the levels of impact that this movie has had on me. I close my eyes and see images of the movie. I long to be back in the movie and gain more of the messages and energy that I have received. I went the second time on Tuesday! And received another level of energy. I hope to see it a third time in a week or so.
The more obvious connection I had was the relationship (is this the right word?) of the humans and the avatars that were made of both human and avatar cells. I could feel and sense the great disparity between the human culture and the avatar culture. It echoed the same in me.....my daily "human" life and my spirit which is connected to everything. I see that I have been letting go of the daily life trappings and my spiritual life is beginning to be my chosen "reality." This will take over more and more of my daily life until, hopefully, I will be connected and with my spirit.
Another split that I see in myself which is perhaps another perspective of the same duality is the part of me that is the lineage bearer and has been prepared through the years to accept this energy without knowing how or what it is and the part of me that is my personality with my weaknesses and attachments. If I cannot accept both as a part of me, then how can anyone else? It is through the connection with the "Mother" and strengthening connection with all that is ....that this integration will happen.
The movie was rich in content for me. I am grateful for my sister who encouraged me to go see it! And this is enough about the movie for now. I feel I am still rocking inside from the impact of the visual and auditory messages.
Now I have 6 more treatments to go. It seems like the time is slowing up like the first ten were downhill rather than uphill. Now it feels like a plateau of some kind has been reached. I am grateful for this as the side effects are still minimal and my energy is still steady. Prayers of gratitude are daily being said ....like one of those tibetan spinning wheels that send the prayers out constantly. I realize the potential of gratitude to shift deep and, seemingly, immovable blocks within me. I must not lose this in my momentary frustration of not feeling that I can express it enough. As Paul once told me, "Don't you see how much you show your honor and gratitude to your grandmother by the way you live your life?" I have been living with this working inside of me for the last 25 years. It is started to be realized.
Show gratitude......
Stepping into circles, linking arms, letting our connection to the Mother grow strong, experiencing the one......this feeds us all.
Reiki.
with love, Phyllis
2010-01-16
2010-01-09
New conditions
Treatment 13....done! Whew! And 7 to go. Though it seems that I am on the downhill as far as numbers, the symptoms are going a bit uphill these last days. The brain fog is a bit clearer still from the weekend after Christmas when the three treatment angels arrived! However, in the last three days, I have been having minute moments of dizziness. This is new. I am cutting back on the sugar intake and determined to go for a little walk each day.....thinking this will assist this symptom. I have having a really intense reaction to simply thinking about the cancer center. The nurse this last week said I could ask for a light sedative that would assist me in not having the intense body reaction to coming to the center. I don't want to do this...but the intensity of the adverse body reaction is growing. I do not want to stop as I feel that the treatment is my path. And my cognitive capacity is slowing down. So I am spending less and less time at the computer and it takes more energy to concentrate. Such a vacation from thinking! So good and frustrating also!
Today I thought about going to a hynotherapist for the reaction to the cancer center. There is one here in Green Valley. I also thought those of you sending could do some mental treatment about this. I am also a bit depressed about my lack of energy to care for me....little things like going for a daily walk, wearing my adema sleeve to help prevent lymphodema, and so on. I fall back on my lazy streak......which I have been fighting since my teen years! Ah....perhaps it is a symptom of something else! On to psychotherapy!
This next week is going to be a big change. Kate Jones arrives on Monday for 2 weeks. Joyce leaves on Wednesday for 10 days. A good time for her to be gone and to have a change of scenery....on all levels. She has been so "on" that I am a grateful for Marilyn's birthday party that compelled her to go to Reno....Lake Tahoe. She will also being seeing her grand niece for the first time (she is 6 months old), and will have a chance to ski!!! I trust she will come back refreshed and vitalized. Kate will be able to be with me....in a different way. I would appreciate your sending a couple of treatments to her too! I really appreciate her coming to support me now.
I am overflowing with gratitude for the support that is so potent in my overall transformation.
Yours, Phyllis
Today I thought about going to a hynotherapist for the reaction to the cancer center. There is one here in Green Valley. I also thought those of you sending could do some mental treatment about this. I am also a bit depressed about my lack of energy to care for me....little things like going for a daily walk, wearing my adema sleeve to help prevent lymphodema, and so on. I fall back on my lazy streak......which I have been fighting since my teen years! Ah....perhaps it is a symptom of something else! On to psychotherapy!
This next week is going to be a big change. Kate Jones arrives on Monday for 2 weeks. Joyce leaves on Wednesday for 10 days. A good time for her to be gone and to have a change of scenery....on all levels. She has been so "on" that I am a grateful for Marilyn's birthday party that compelled her to go to Reno....Lake Tahoe. She will also being seeing her grand niece for the first time (she is 6 months old), and will have a chance to ski!!! I trust she will come back refreshed and vitalized. Kate will be able to be with me....in a different way. I would appreciate your sending a couple of treatments to her too! I really appreciate her coming to support me now.
I am overflowing with gratitude for the support that is so potent in my overall transformation.
Yours, Phyllis
2010-01-01
This photo was taken as the sun was coming up. Don't mind my earring that this precariously hanging from my right ear! I did not lose it! I just had my hair "cut" again. It looks thinner than the first time. And I am still enjoying the feeling of my Buzz cut!
This is from my back yard at sunrise!
Welcome 2010! When I think of my experiences of time/space continuum which means the experiences of time moving and space not being meaningful, I bask in the ocean of what is. When I hear 2010, I remember waiting with anticipation for the year 2000 and the changes that would come to the planet. What I am also aware of now is the combination of the two "realities" I have about time. There is no time and the calendar, clocks are made up by us so we can mark time together.
In doing this together in some vague sort of agreement, we can meet each other, talk on the phone, and have national holidays. In Reiki and the time/space continuum, I find myself knowing that I am connected all the time and that my perception of space is really elastic. The space that separates us is only in out minds. Space can be as relatively small as the space between two atoms and the space between the earth and the moon. These are actually the same space!
Wednesday I had my 12th treatment. I saw the Oncologist's assistant who assured me that everything was going to schedule. All my blood counts are fine. I have a little dip in producing red platelets but this is what they want. So no eating bunches of spinach or taking iron! My body felt pretty good going into the treatment. During the actual infusion procedure, I felt so nauseous. Ugh! And then after it all, I recovered. Yesterday was a pretty good day for me. I attribute this to the work that Jean and Hira did on me in bringing all of my bodies together and being present. The other was the Radio show that was aired on Thursday and listeners sending me/being with me. These experiences are about collapsing the perceived space.
The upshot is that I am aware that our practice of Reiki gives awareness of separation and space, gives a way to collapse that space/separation, and allows a possibility of experiencing another world that is utterly connected and present. The benefit is obvious. The path from separation and being one can be and, in my experience, difficult. Our practice allows this journey to be in our own timing (that concept again!) and through our own experiences.
And I am so grateful for these experiences of oneness. May these become longer and more trustworthy! May I be open to spirit and the bliss that comes with oneness! May we all experience the collective and take our next step to health, happiness, and prosperity!
Much love for our new year! Phyllis
2009-12-28
Its the end of the Year!
I logged on to the blog today and was shocked to see that the last time I posted was over 10 days ago! Wow! Where did the time go?
Well, the lead up to Christmas was good. I had some sweet moments of time with family and friends. The Wednesday before Christmas was a little adventure. We went to stay in the guest villa we have here in Green Valley. it is the neighborhood where our friends live also. So we were all able to just shuffle around to each other's villas and share the Christmas spirit which for me is about community, family, and intimate gatherings. Then I had visitors from the East! No, not the three wise men.....but three inspired women with Reiki hands. Hira Reid, Jean Ferris, and Sister Carol came to visit....ladened with food for two yummy dinners. They brought their years of experience, insightfulness of long time health practitioners, and their individual gifts! And so for two days I was under their hands! it was an experience that comes in through the foundation of all the distant treatments that I receive daily. The energy was intense!
The result is that I am feeling the chemo therapy in my body..more strongly. I think that at this point, it is good. It doesn't feel "good" but I also realized that there was a part of me denying the process. So now the pot has been stirred and the chemo is up and doing its thing.....and I am surrendering to the fire.
One of the highlights of their visit was my deepening awareness of the lymph system of our bodies. And mine, in particular. I realize that it was almost as an after thought that the issues with my lymph system were introduced to me. I am conscious of the importance of every system of my body but this system I have really taken for granted. I am grateful for the continuing education!
New Year's Eve is coming up and I will record a program for this special night on the internet radio program .....reikitalkshow,com. This year New Year's Eve is the full moon and a Blue Moon....the second in December. I am sure that there are astrological portends! For me, it is another opportunity for me to open yet again...to a deeper connection to the moon in me, to the cycles of life, and to my natural awareness as a human being. I would like to disregard the more social aspects of this turning of the wheel and come back to my basic human need to be alive and to live in gratitude.
In these weeks of December and January, there are many days of ending and therefore days of vulnerability and beginning. I feel the fearsome aspects of this time as well as the promise of movement deep within me.
Part of the 23rd Psalm comes to me almost daily as I receive Reiki Treatments......and there is an image which is not a picture but a feeling within me that is so accurately described in these words from my Bible......
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil,
For thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointist my head with oil, my cup runneth over
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. "
My feeling image:
I surrender my body to the treatments that allow me to die: my physical cells, my habits, my ideas of myself, my attachments.
This is not an evil thing....not a bad thing......not a negative thing.
I know that there must be a passage through the shadow.....and it is good not to run and hide my face from the shadow but to walk with the strength of knowing there is support and comfort.
You and many others are with me in thought, in Reiki, in prayer, in physical form......and you are carried by your faith, your trust in spirit, your experiences in Reiki, your belief in the great cycles of life.
We sit and eat, literally, knowing that there is the presence of death that encourages authentic action and conversation.
You act with kindness and affection which flows over me and fills my body over and over
And with this connection of us to the One, to God, to the Goddess, to All that Is.....I am reminded that this is my Life now and forever.
Am I replacing God with you and the Reiki community? I would say no. What I am saying is that we are all a manifestation of the One......God. And it is our connection through our practice.....as I am receiving it......that allows me to open again and again to the healing of the fire and of love.
Whatever words I use...it is my experience. And I find that there are few words to express the bliss of this connection.
Until next week! Phyllis
Well, the lead up to Christmas was good. I had some sweet moments of time with family and friends. The Wednesday before Christmas was a little adventure. We went to stay in the guest villa we have here in Green Valley. it is the neighborhood where our friends live also. So we were all able to just shuffle around to each other's villas and share the Christmas spirit which for me is about community, family, and intimate gatherings. Then I had visitors from the East! No, not the three wise men.....but three inspired women with Reiki hands. Hira Reid, Jean Ferris, and Sister Carol came to visit....ladened with food for two yummy dinners. They brought their years of experience, insightfulness of long time health practitioners, and their individual gifts! And so for two days I was under their hands! it was an experience that comes in through the foundation of all the distant treatments that I receive daily. The energy was intense!
The result is that I am feeling the chemo therapy in my body..more strongly. I think that at this point, it is good. It doesn't feel "good" but I also realized that there was a part of me denying the process. So now the pot has been stirred and the chemo is up and doing its thing.....and I am surrendering to the fire.
One of the highlights of their visit was my deepening awareness of the lymph system of our bodies. And mine, in particular. I realize that it was almost as an after thought that the issues with my lymph system were introduced to me. I am conscious of the importance of every system of my body but this system I have really taken for granted. I am grateful for the continuing education!
New Year's Eve is coming up and I will record a program for this special night on the internet radio program .....reikitalkshow,com. This year New Year's Eve is the full moon and a Blue Moon....the second in December. I am sure that there are astrological portends! For me, it is another opportunity for me to open yet again...to a deeper connection to the moon in me, to the cycles of life, and to my natural awareness as a human being. I would like to disregard the more social aspects of this turning of the wheel and come back to my basic human need to be alive and to live in gratitude.
In these weeks of December and January, there are many days of ending and therefore days of vulnerability and beginning. I feel the fearsome aspects of this time as well as the promise of movement deep within me.
Part of the 23rd Psalm comes to me almost daily as I receive Reiki Treatments......and there is an image which is not a picture but a feeling within me that is so accurately described in these words from my Bible......
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil,
For thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointist my head with oil, my cup runneth over
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. "
My feeling image:
I surrender my body to the treatments that allow me to die: my physical cells, my habits, my ideas of myself, my attachments.
This is not an evil thing....not a bad thing......not a negative thing.
I know that there must be a passage through the shadow.....and it is good not to run and hide my face from the shadow but to walk with the strength of knowing there is support and comfort.
You and many others are with me in thought, in Reiki, in prayer, in physical form......and you are carried by your faith, your trust in spirit, your experiences in Reiki, your belief in the great cycles of life.
We sit and eat, literally, knowing that there is the presence of death that encourages authentic action and conversation.
You act with kindness and affection which flows over me and fills my body over and over
And with this connection of us to the One, to God, to the Goddess, to All that Is.....I am reminded that this is my Life now and forever.
Am I replacing God with you and the Reiki community? I would say no. What I am saying is that we are all a manifestation of the One......God. And it is our connection through our practice.....as I am receiving it......that allows me to open again and again to the healing of the fire and of love.
Whatever words I use...it is my experience. And I find that there are few words to express the bliss of this connection.
Until next week! Phyllis
2009-12-15
Reflections to the Future
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Susan Mitchell has been writing a history of the Reiki Alliance for the membership. It is an amazing document and I am happy to be able to read it now. She sent this photo of the group of masters and family members who met together on the big island of Hawaii in 1982. Looking at how young we were! And remembering the innocence, the excitement of feeling like we were pioneers, and the deep abiding feeling of being connected at a level that defied language. This feeling has not gone away through the years. Sometimes I forgot it....sometimes I ignored it....and sometimes I grew nostalgic for the old days!
So some years later, I am hanging out in Arizona feeling the world of Reiki sending me treatments, receiving cards and emails from so many people, and reflecting on my progress over the years. I see that my innocence is still there. I am still amazed at the effect of a Reiki treatment. I am speechless at the energetic impression of having many people send me Reiki. And I have my dreams of what is to come.
Today during my daily morning treatment from Joyce...which is more like a mediation time that feeds my spirit....I had these images that roused my enthusiasm and my childlike trust that somehow these images could come to pass.
I was at Kenyon Ranch, the place about 20 miles from my home here in Arizona, where I have been using for groups. The last OGM retreat was held there in August. The Ranch is for sale now and I have been sitting with this "problem" about money. Somehow in the treatment today, the focus changed to excitement......these are the images......
A week for students/masters: Marta Getty facilitating a group of "healing your family tree", Phil Morgan being with a group for Shamanic work, Fokke Brink and his group experiencing the energy of the symbols through brush work. All meals are together, the reiki treatments are together, the sessions held in the different meeting areas on the Ranch. Other combinations are Paul and Way of Harmony, Kristin Bonney and dream work, Collene Delaney and Sum-ie. Aleema Fontaine and Dance expression, Kandy Brandt and the Game of Transformation, and Elaine Andres and prayer.
A week for international gathering of students/masters with Paul and myself. I see 80-100 students from the global community living and practicing together, then taking this energy back to their own local communities.
A time for a master to bring a group of their students to be with the Spiritual Lineage of the system. This would be a display of the historical articles that I have, the power point presentations I have prepared, and time with me.
A place where a Reiki Master or student could come for individual retreat and daily hands on treatment.
A place where the initiation of masters could happen.....the master brings their student/s to the Ranch and has their own private space to work in the collective energy of that the Ranch holds.....and I would be available for any kind of supportive session that was requested.
A place to bring enrichment to the community: Workshops and Retreats given by any master who wishes to use the facility.
Also to bring to the community outside work: possible topics: building and supporting communities, Inner child work, Byron Katie's The Work, beginning Japanese, zen mediation, conflict resolution, non violent communication,
There is a new year's retreat which will continue on the Ranch, and a Rimpoche who lives now in NYC comes to give teachings.
We could have another one in June and invite another Buddhist teacher (sorry if this is not the right and proper word) to come and share teachings.
Second Degree retreats where there is practicing the symbols, using the treatments together, and living a retreat life where the whole day is in Reiki practice. Waking up at 6;00 in the morning and everyone doing their self treatment at the same time in their own space, meeting before breakfast to greet the day by coming together in a circle and sending reiki to each other, and through the day.....hands on treatments, a time of silence, treatment of others who have requested treatment from the group.
Explorations/teachings for groups of Students and or Masters with me.
Live Broadcasts to other satellite communities around the world.
Experiencing Mystic Order.
And any inspirations you have!
These events can be scheduled at the Ranch in the beginning to support the purchase of the Ranch for the grounding of the next phase of our community development.
This time at home has just begun to give me the understanding of the power of "being home." This is a feeling that I thought I had just because I was traveling within the global Reiki community.....my home. Now I am feeling the difference of that kind of home and the physical home. This brings me to want a home for the system, for our practice, and for the bringing together of all Reiki students and masters by choice.
I ask you to take some time in the next weeks to focus on this concept during your self treatments. See if there is any resonance in you....and let me know what you have discovered or feel. I would appreciate as many people doing this as possible. Money is energy. And the money will follow our energy.
Thanks for listening. with appreciation, Phyllis
By the way...the people in the photo....as far as I can tell are:
From the back row left: Virginia Samdahl's husband, Rick Bockner's forehead, Marta Getty hair behind Virginia's daughter, Barbara West, Bunny Sjogren, Carell Farmer, Paul Mitchell, top of John Gray's head, Susan Mitchell, Vince McFayden (Mary McFayden's husband). Then front left is Virginia Samdahl, Beth Gray, My auntie Kay Yamashita,Me... Phyllis, Ethel Lombardi, Dorothy Baba peeking out, Dorothy's husband, an unidentified woman, and Bethel Phaigh. This was taken in front of the HIlo Hongwanji after the service for our master, Hawayo Takata.
2009-12-11
The Fire has really started
Number 9 happened last Wednesday, the 9th of December. Guess there may be many factors involved in the Why! And this is my constant learning: to accept what is happening, do not try to figure it out as though it could have been prevented by my own control!, and to ride the wave!
One of my sisters is here with her family and a brother of mine....and I have not been able to spend time with them because I am still not all here. I am sad about this and realize that I love having my family around me. Even though sometimes it is just having them close, I love that they are there! And this goes so deep. Much of my life I have been away from them for various reasons....see that word again! And now I have another chance to have time with them. But it is not easy feeling as though my body is totally preoccupied with itself and my mind not able to connect enough to make sense! A scary and unfamiliar feeling for me.
The book I mentioned a couple of entries ago is titled: MEMORIES OF THE AFTERLIFE: life between lives. edited by Michael Newton. These thoughts of what happens when we leave these earthly bodies are fascinating. My thoughts wonder about my own life and what the purpose is for me to be here....what are the lessons to be learned and the experiences gained. Obviously this is one of the ways that I can live in the twilight zone (remember the tv series?) and perhaps be more comfortable in living my life.
This also gave me great support when being with Luellen Spencer Garrett in the last week as she let go of her earthly body. In sending her treatments, I could feel her less and less attached to the body and more able to be "etheric" and comfortable. She, as usual, encouraged me to not be holding back with my passions and next steps for the community. She certainly did not!
She, as with many others who have died, will be in connection.
I am going to a place where I talk to the cells that are dying inside me. Asking where they are going, if they have messages, and what is their function in my life. They mostly say.....stop trying to control the process and know.....just be with it and trust! Let spirit come through and trust.
How can this be so difficult?! It is not hard to answer my own questions!
It is now Friday afternoon and usually I am really on the upswing from the chemo treatment. Today, I am not. It is difficult for me to experience the Fire again. And it is burning away that which is not needed.
Thank goodness for Reiki!
Phyllis
One of my sisters is here with her family and a brother of mine....and I have not been able to spend time with them because I am still not all here. I am sad about this and realize that I love having my family around me. Even though sometimes it is just having them close, I love that they are there! And this goes so deep. Much of my life I have been away from them for various reasons....see that word again! And now I have another chance to have time with them. But it is not easy feeling as though my body is totally preoccupied with itself and my mind not able to connect enough to make sense! A scary and unfamiliar feeling for me.
The book I mentioned a couple of entries ago is titled: MEMORIES OF THE AFTERLIFE: life between lives. edited by Michael Newton. These thoughts of what happens when we leave these earthly bodies are fascinating. My thoughts wonder about my own life and what the purpose is for me to be here....what are the lessons to be learned and the experiences gained. Obviously this is one of the ways that I can live in the twilight zone (remember the tv series?) and perhaps be more comfortable in living my life.
This also gave me great support when being with Luellen Spencer Garrett in the last week as she let go of her earthly body. In sending her treatments, I could feel her less and less attached to the body and more able to be "etheric" and comfortable. She, as usual, encouraged me to not be holding back with my passions and next steps for the community. She certainly did not!
She, as with many others who have died, will be in connection.
I am going to a place where I talk to the cells that are dying inside me. Asking where they are going, if they have messages, and what is their function in my life. They mostly say.....stop trying to control the process and know.....just be with it and trust! Let spirit come through and trust.
How can this be so difficult?! It is not hard to answer my own questions!
It is now Friday afternoon and usually I am really on the upswing from the chemo treatment. Today, I am not. It is difficult for me to experience the Fire again. And it is burning away that which is not needed.
Thank goodness for Reiki!
Phyllis
2009-12-05
Update at 8 treatments
This last wednesday was my 8th treatment! Lost count some where. On Tuesday I went to see the surgeon. She was pleased about the healing of the surgery. I will see her again after the chemotherapy is finished. I will have a mammogram then to see if there is any thing there. I am confident that it will be clear! Good to have positive thinking here.
Then I went to see the nurse practitioner who works with the medical oncologist who is monitoring my treatment program. All my blood counts are good. They are a little down from the beginning but staying within the normal range. Glucose is good. I am carrying a little allergic reaction. They can tell from something that is produced by the body to take care of allergens and show up in the blood. A long explanation for a word I don't remember! Anyway, I chalk this up to the small amount of dairy that I am eating. It keeps my mucus membranes in order!
My nausea is at a minimum. I take only the anti nausea on Wednesdays when they do the chemo treatment. So this seems good. My energy is limited and so I don't have much time on the computer these days. I am eating pretty well and my digestive system is working.
My brain function is really not very together! I have been having an issue with my car and after three appointments with them, I realize that I am not tracking very well. Joyce is going to go on Monday and help me communicate. It is a bit scary. THEY say that it will come back after the chemo. I am counting on Reiki and their past experience to have this be so! I also have a lot of little instances of short term memory loss....it is so weird to have a conversation with someone and a few minutes later say something that obviously ignores the previous conversation of a few minutes ago.....and then remember all of it the next morning when my mind is fresh. Very disappointing!
And I am finding out how much I have depended on my mind. This has been a great revelation. Right now I am playing the Transformation Game with Joyce and another couple. My intention is "I surrender to my Heart." I know that I must take this chance to balance this heart/mind of mine. And I am realizing how scary it has been for me to really express what is in my heart. When I do, it is often under stress and pressure so it sounds like being angry or attacking. Sigh. I had three angels on the emotional level......Compassion, Joy, and Tenderness. The Tenderness angel was really potent for me. I realized that I could not really relate to Tenderness in my life....especially in my self care. I have the angel of Trust for my guardian angel in this game....Trust in my heart.
My heart wants to say that it is overwhelmed right now with the exercise it is getting! Receiving, Receiving, Receiving, and Giving, Giving, Giving. It is coming into balance. And I feel very soft and fragile right now.
In trust! Phyllis
Then I went to see the nurse practitioner who works with the medical oncologist who is monitoring my treatment program. All my blood counts are good. They are a little down from the beginning but staying within the normal range. Glucose is good. I am carrying a little allergic reaction. They can tell from something that is produced by the body to take care of allergens and show up in the blood. A long explanation for a word I don't remember! Anyway, I chalk this up to the small amount of dairy that I am eating. It keeps my mucus membranes in order!
My nausea is at a minimum. I take only the anti nausea on Wednesdays when they do the chemo treatment. So this seems good. My energy is limited and so I don't have much time on the computer these days. I am eating pretty well and my digestive system is working.
My brain function is really not very together! I have been having an issue with my car and after three appointments with them, I realize that I am not tracking very well. Joyce is going to go on Monday and help me communicate. It is a bit scary. THEY say that it will come back after the chemo. I am counting on Reiki and their past experience to have this be so! I also have a lot of little instances of short term memory loss....it is so weird to have a conversation with someone and a few minutes later say something that obviously ignores the previous conversation of a few minutes ago.....and then remember all of it the next morning when my mind is fresh. Very disappointing!
And I am finding out how much I have depended on my mind. This has been a great revelation. Right now I am playing the Transformation Game with Joyce and another couple. My intention is "I surrender to my Heart." I know that I must take this chance to balance this heart/mind of mine. And I am realizing how scary it has been for me to really express what is in my heart. When I do, it is often under stress and pressure so it sounds like being angry or attacking. Sigh. I had three angels on the emotional level......Compassion, Joy, and Tenderness. The Tenderness angel was really potent for me. I realized that I could not really relate to Tenderness in my life....especially in my self care. I have the angel of Trust for my guardian angel in this game....Trust in my heart.
My heart wants to say that it is overwhelmed right now with the exercise it is getting! Receiving, Receiving, Receiving, and Giving, Giving, Giving. It is coming into balance. And I feel very soft and fragile right now.
In trust! Phyllis
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