Hello out there! Well, I have 7 more treatments to go and these will be concentrated on the area where the surgeon took out the tumor. This is just above and a little to my right of my nipple (kind of shy about saying it but don't want you to be shy about treating it!). They did a trial run the other day and this part of my breast just turned almost black! Was scary. But with Reiki and the ointment, it is fine now...and was a few hours later! What a miracle!
I have been trying to work on a schedule for 2011 as well as the two trips I am taking in 2010. This is more of a challenge than I thought! One of the challenges is to let go of many of my dreams....like the European student gathering. I feel that the time is not right for this....people are feeling the financial pressure, I am uncertain of their willingness to make this gathering a priority, I don't have the energy to organize it now and to imagine committing to being there, and on and on. I wonder if this is because I have some latent guilt feelings about canceling my schedule after my diagnosis? I shall muse on this....and send Reiki to explore this place in myself. One of the great gifts I have received is the acceptance and compassion from everyone who has been touched by my change of schedules and needful change of lifestyle. This has been easier to receive than I thought it would be!
Good for me!
Speaking of....I had a surprise visit from Bunny Sjogren, Jane Mutti, and Dawn Mills for a couple of days. I am so happy! And they are here now to give me a treatment! Time to sign off!
with my appreciation for all that is happening,
Phyllis
2010-05-19
2010-05-13
Radiation hotting up!
Two and a half weeks left to go on the radiation! It is so amazing how time goes by. The treatments have been fairly uneventful. Until yesterday. This is typical for the treatment process though, I understand from the Doctor. This is when my skin starts reacting to the radiation. And it is. Sue Leibold came to see me and brought some ointment she uses in her work but it is mainly used for radiation burns. And this is the same ointment that the clinic here uses. So I am on to this.
The sensation is more of an uncomfortable tightness of my skin under my arm and along the outside of my right breast. I can see that given 12 more treatments this will get more intense now. I am happy to receive Reiki these days and am so grateful for the continued support in Reiki.
The other issue for me is my gum condition. Not having great teeth and gums in the first place, the chemo therapy has caused a not great result in my gums. I am so glad for my sister who is a dental hygienist. Besides special toothpaste and mouth wash..and a great electric toothbrush, she has encouraged my dental care through this whole endeavor. I just had my teeth cleaned for the first time in 9 months! My teeth were actually not bad, but the gums have suffered. Many of my teeth are loose! So I am hoping that the cleaning will put the gums back on the road to health and I can encourage them with Reiki to stay connected to those teeth! I will have a dental appointment today to assist my teeth in holding on longer.
I must watch my activities! So in the last two weeks I have overdone it a couple of days and my body really gets it! So sleep and lying around is the only "cure." Monitoring myself is not easy....but I do have direct and clear feedback.
Other than all this, I am getting back into the swing of things on the computer...and have increased my computer time to two or three hours a day....sometimes. I am also trying to organize two trips...one in July and one in October. They seemed quite straightforward, but I see that I am not really 100% so it goes slower and also I am making mistakes!
Looking at my 2011 I wonder what this will be like. I have the possibility of working at the Ranch as much as I wish if I schedule it now. I am excited by this.....but the question is "What do I offer?" What is wanted out there? Any ideas or input from you all?!
I do read the comments and appreciate them!
Well, it is early in the morning and now time to go back to bed!
More in a few days. Thanks for being there! It is great to share and to know that there are those who care listening.
Til next time, Phyllis
The sensation is more of an uncomfortable tightness of my skin under my arm and along the outside of my right breast. I can see that given 12 more treatments this will get more intense now. I am happy to receive Reiki these days and am so grateful for the continued support in Reiki.
The other issue for me is my gum condition. Not having great teeth and gums in the first place, the chemo therapy has caused a not great result in my gums. I am so glad for my sister who is a dental hygienist. Besides special toothpaste and mouth wash..and a great electric toothbrush, she has encouraged my dental care through this whole endeavor. I just had my teeth cleaned for the first time in 9 months! My teeth were actually not bad, but the gums have suffered. Many of my teeth are loose! So I am hoping that the cleaning will put the gums back on the road to health and I can encourage them with Reiki to stay connected to those teeth! I will have a dental appointment today to assist my teeth in holding on longer.
I must watch my activities! So in the last two weeks I have overdone it a couple of days and my body really gets it! So sleep and lying around is the only "cure." Monitoring myself is not easy....but I do have direct and clear feedback.
Other than all this, I am getting back into the swing of things on the computer...and have increased my computer time to two or three hours a day....sometimes. I am also trying to organize two trips...one in July and one in October. They seemed quite straightforward, but I see that I am not really 100% so it goes slower and also I am making mistakes!
Looking at my 2011 I wonder what this will be like. I have the possibility of working at the Ranch as much as I wish if I schedule it now. I am excited by this.....but the question is "What do I offer?" What is wanted out there? Any ideas or input from you all?!
I do read the comments and appreciate them!
Well, it is early in the morning and now time to go back to bed!
More in a few days. Thanks for being there! It is great to share and to know that there are those who care listening.
Til next time, Phyllis
2010-04-29
2 weeks gone!
I have been thinking about all of you out there...and thanking you again for your support.
The last two weeks have been fairly quiet. The radiation treatments are going on and each day comes a little closer to reality. The first days I just thought about being in Star Trek where Dr Bones was going to put me under his big machine and ZAP! all better!
Monday I realized that I was thinking about the place where the surgery was.....and that it was probably not a hole....but the tissue had filled it in. I asked the Dr that morning. He said that the place where the tumor was fills with liquid...and mine was not so full...which was a good thing. The radiation goes to that place and a kind of side effect is that the liquid dries and the tissue does fill it in. Good thing. And the radiation is giving it more of a chance NOT to have cancer cells fill it in. I guess this is the simple picture for me. It was good to be more real.
And the sensations of the radiation are interesting....sometimes tingling and sometimes a feeling of having had a bit too much sun. After I put the aloe vera cream on it....it goes away. So until now....mostly all is easy.
The whole thing is a bit surreal sometimes. And I look back and see where I have been....and I know that I have walked a long and difficult path. with many supporters.....that made the way less traumatic and definitely not lonely.
I am also going through the difficult task of buying another car. This is financially not a great time as I will not be working now in the way I have been....so taking on more monthly payments without secure income is a bit scary. And I cannot just buy another car like I have now. I love my old Subaru Outback but I do not like the new ones. So I am starting from scratch! I am looking at a FORD....the first American car I have ever thought of owning. I like the feeling somehow.
The American Political scene is overwhelming now......our crisis of failure maintain any credibility of ......You name it. So Arizona has passed a bill ......and companies are canceling their reservations at resorts for conferences here and so on. Joyce is affected because she works at a Resort in Tubac. 5 reservations already have been canceled....and they are not the only ones in this area. This is a small portion of the backlash. People saying NO! So I am happy about the No and we are challenged by the effect of the No!
So much going on! And I am rereading the Thomas Moore book......Writing in the Sand!
Gotta go to my treatments now!
From an overflowing heart......Phyllis
The last two weeks have been fairly quiet. The radiation treatments are going on and each day comes a little closer to reality. The first days I just thought about being in Star Trek where Dr Bones was going to put me under his big machine and ZAP! all better!
Monday I realized that I was thinking about the place where the surgery was.....and that it was probably not a hole....but the tissue had filled it in. I asked the Dr that morning. He said that the place where the tumor was fills with liquid...and mine was not so full...which was a good thing. The radiation goes to that place and a kind of side effect is that the liquid dries and the tissue does fill it in. Good thing. And the radiation is giving it more of a chance NOT to have cancer cells fill it in. I guess this is the simple picture for me. It was good to be more real.
And the sensations of the radiation are interesting....sometimes tingling and sometimes a feeling of having had a bit too much sun. After I put the aloe vera cream on it....it goes away. So until now....mostly all is easy.
The whole thing is a bit surreal sometimes. And I look back and see where I have been....and I know that I have walked a long and difficult path. with many supporters.....that made the way less traumatic and definitely not lonely.
I am also going through the difficult task of buying another car. This is financially not a great time as I will not be working now in the way I have been....so taking on more monthly payments without secure income is a bit scary. And I cannot just buy another car like I have now. I love my old Subaru Outback but I do not like the new ones. So I am starting from scratch! I am looking at a FORD....the first American car I have ever thought of owning. I like the feeling somehow.
The American Political scene is overwhelming now......our crisis of failure maintain any credibility of ......You name it. So Arizona has passed a bill ......and companies are canceling their reservations at resorts for conferences here and so on. Joyce is affected because she works at a Resort in Tubac. 5 reservations already have been canceled....and they are not the only ones in this area. This is a small portion of the backlash. People saying NO! So I am happy about the No and we are challenged by the effect of the No!
So much going on! And I am rereading the Thomas Moore book......Writing in the Sand!
Gotta go to my treatments now!
From an overflowing heart......Phyllis
2010-04-17
The walk
I wish I had the cord to download photos from my camera.....so you could see the ferralitos that were lit this evening for people who were remembered during the walk for life...here in Green Valley. I did not know about it....though I hear that this was a nationwide walk for cancer research, remembrance, and support. A friend of mine did the walk from 10 in the morning to 10 at night and lit a candle for me. I found out about an hour from the end....and went down to join her. I remembered Luellen Garret and Jane Cherrington and many other of my friends, colleagues, and family who have passed on through the advent of cancer. I also remembered Collene Delaney, Esther Russo, and others who are alive and living with the experience of cancer. It was moving and mostly because it was such a feeling of support! Thank you again.....you are walking with me too.
with overflowing gratitude for life!
Phyllis
with overflowing gratitude for life!
Phyllis
2010-04-16
Beginnings
Hello from a "Bloomin' Desert!"
Just down the road there is a cactus with 15 or so huge white blossoms.......for one night. Gorgeous!
Okay, Okay.....down to news! Well I had an appointment on Wednesday. This was not my first treatment as they needed this time to do more calculations and checking on the angles (and who knows what else!). It is good to get it right and proper. They want to concentrate on the affected areas (sounds like my Grandmother's lecture on applying Reiki) and not on the other bits. The technicians were great....friendly and caring while effective. So I now have had two treatments...this being Friday afternoon. The treatments are at 10:00 am my time....which now is the same as Los Angeles. (Arizona stays on "real" time!)
There has been a tingle in my right breast area and under my arm after the radiation.....and a little tenderness. I am putting aloe on it and I trust this will be good for a long time to go. I am also not having such a voracious appetite...which is very good....so I am losing the weight that i gained in the last months. Whew! If you are sending mental treatments...keep up the "Movement is my friend" kind of thoughts! I have lost ten pounds in the last weeks....and hope to lose another 25-30......more than my recenet weight gain.....so I am truly a new person when all is said and done. This will also increase my internal health, as you can imagine!
The Yoga is coming along and I hope to get to three/four times a week now. This would be great!
I am listening to the new Cds I bought at the chanting night.....Glorious.
Being me....
Phyllis
Just down the road there is a cactus with 15 or so huge white blossoms.......for one night. Gorgeous!
Okay, Okay.....down to news! Well I had an appointment on Wednesday. This was not my first treatment as they needed this time to do more calculations and checking on the angles (and who knows what else!). It is good to get it right and proper. They want to concentrate on the affected areas (sounds like my Grandmother's lecture on applying Reiki) and not on the other bits. The technicians were great....friendly and caring while effective. So I now have had two treatments...this being Friday afternoon. The treatments are at 10:00 am my time....which now is the same as Los Angeles. (Arizona stays on "real" time!)
There has been a tingle in my right breast area and under my arm after the radiation.....and a little tenderness. I am putting aloe on it and I trust this will be good for a long time to go. I am also not having such a voracious appetite...which is very good....so I am losing the weight that i gained in the last months. Whew! If you are sending mental treatments...keep up the "Movement is my friend" kind of thoughts! I have lost ten pounds in the last weeks....and hope to lose another 25-30......more than my recenet weight gain.....so I am truly a new person when all is said and done. This will also increase my internal health, as you can imagine!
The Yoga is coming along and I hope to get to three/four times a week now. This would be great!
I am listening to the new Cds I bought at the chanting night.....Glorious.
Being me....
Phyllis
2010-04-11
Approaching Radiation
The days are flying by like horses on a downhill run. The good news is that my energy is slowly coming back. Sometimes it is clear that there is a difference! The other night I wanted to go to the hot tub at the recreation center! That I had the energy to have the idea and the energy to actually go was marvelous. Sometimes now I have energy to do things. In the last months when night came, I was exhausted and had no energy to do anything.
My mind and memory is still a bit like a sieve. Sometimes I simply blank out things. It is a familiar situation now and I hope the holes are filling up slowly and steadily! So all in all, I think I have come back about 50% of what I was a year ago. Scary and hopeful at the same time!
The other day I played the Game of Transformation with two women friends....and my focus was: I expand my Trust in Being. I feel this shift in me from doing to being. And it is subtle and radical all at the same time. For instance, one of the principles that I work on and see that Reiki supports me to be discerning.....is that I want to be aware of my motivation for action. Motivation is far more important than the doing. So in the Game on the emotional level, I received the card.....Set back by other people's opinions. (I have been struggling with putting together a schedule for next year or the end of this year. Something is not right.) With this card I realize that I must be vigilant about motivation. If I decide because of other people's opinions or desires, then I am Doing. If I listen to my own calling and act from this place, then I am Being.
The Reiki Foundation Board and I are having a similar conversation. It is all around me. And I am living in a puzzle. so many things have shifted and yet the pieces of the puzzle look the same. It is a mind bender!
So each day, as I move toward the Radiation therapy, I savour and trust that the process continues and presses into the unknown. I am not looking forward to this next step.....and I see that there are gifts waiting for me there. Sigh. And it is my path, of this I am certain.
April 14 at 2:00 pm (same time as Los Angeles) I will start this treatment. Everyday during the week (5 days a week) for 6.5 weeks. So the end of the treatment will be at the end of May. I see that the effects will not be as physical but may create other disturbances. I am preparing for this. Another passage through the Valley.
The abundance of life energy supports me .........I am attaching photos of the flowers....the yellow bushes are in our back yard and are Tombstone Roses. The others are a small part of the cactus flowers that are madly blooming this year.
(Somehow cannot put the photos where I want so will use the next BLOG for photos.......
Until the next Post.....
A Phyllis Being
My mind and memory is still a bit like a sieve. Sometimes I simply blank out things. It is a familiar situation now and I hope the holes are filling up slowly and steadily! So all in all, I think I have come back about 50% of what I was a year ago. Scary and hopeful at the same time!
The other day I played the Game of Transformation with two women friends....and my focus was: I expand my Trust in Being. I feel this shift in me from doing to being. And it is subtle and radical all at the same time. For instance, one of the principles that I work on and see that Reiki supports me to be discerning.....is that I want to be aware of my motivation for action. Motivation is far more important than the doing. So in the Game on the emotional level, I received the card.....Set back by other people's opinions. (I have been struggling with putting together a schedule for next year or the end of this year. Something is not right.) With this card I realize that I must be vigilant about motivation. If I decide because of other people's opinions or desires, then I am Doing. If I listen to my own calling and act from this place, then I am Being.
The Reiki Foundation Board and I are having a similar conversation. It is all around me. And I am living in a puzzle. so many things have shifted and yet the pieces of the puzzle look the same. It is a mind bender!
So each day, as I move toward the Radiation therapy, I savour and trust that the process continues and presses into the unknown. I am not looking forward to this next step.....and I see that there are gifts waiting for me there. Sigh. And it is my path, of this I am certain.
April 14 at 2:00 pm (same time as Los Angeles) I will start this treatment. Everyday during the week (5 days a week) for 6.5 weeks. So the end of the treatment will be at the end of May. I see that the effects will not be as physical but may create other disturbances. I am preparing for this. Another passage through the Valley.
The abundance of life energy supports me .........I am attaching photos of the flowers....the yellow bushes are in our back yard and are Tombstone Roses. The others are a small part of the cactus flowers that are madly blooming this year.
(Somehow cannot put the photos where I want so will use the next BLOG for photos.......
Until the next Post.....
A Phyllis Being
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