One of the readers here has made this observation......'I am struck by your reflections on what I see as two earthquakes. A mammogram is an earthquake...waves just keep coming in and going out...earthquakes happen each and everyday personally and globally." That was a connection I did not make!
Well, I have had a few emails reflecting the writers own confusion about sending Reiki....or their clarity about what they imagine Reiki to do! And it is amazing to see that each of us is awakening to another sense of self. What a sweet process. There is obviously not a clear answer or right answer.....but the stories coming out of Japan are potent for two themes....one is the acceptance of what has happened without blame or making the earth something bad.....and the other is their gratitude for what they have ....rather than what they do not have. A lesson for us all.
I was reading a Buddhist article about attachment to the illusion of control and possession....very interesting in light of this happening int he world.
And, speaking of waves, the mammogram came back "normal." Yeah! I believe when the third one comes...next year, I will be out of the woods. Meantime, I am still losing weight! And gaining on my health. Today I put on pants that I wore two weeks ago and could hardly get them zipped....now they are lose! Great eh?
So I have had a good day .....a day of celebration.
Thanks for being out there and lending your support!
with appreciation,
Phyllis
2011-03-18
2011-03-15
earthquake in and out
It has been several days since the earthquake in Japan occurred and the tsunami touched the shores of Japan, Hawaii, and then California. I had two intense connections to this happening. One was when the announcer on the news said that the last major earthquake Japan had experienced was in 1917. I thought of the story that Mikao Usui and some of his students went into the streets and treated people. They were recognized by the people as having been a visible support for the people who were affected. I wondered if Reiki students in Japan were again going into the streets and being able to treat people and support them. I also thought of my dream of having a group of Reiki students who were already prepared to go into these kinds of areas ready to treat people and assist with their issues. Now, in this modern day of organization, this group would need to go as a part of some governmental recognized group. And it is a great dream of mine.
Then I had another thought about how the waves traveled from japan to Hawaii to California, just as Reiki did.
Then I thought, maybe I am just not seeing the destruction and chaos that has occurred in these places and am I unfeeling? I have had to think about this for the last few days. I have received emails from many people about Japan and my family there. I do have family there but I am not connected with them at all. And they would be mostly in the southern part of the island, which has not been affected.
Now I am writing....having decided that I must write something and perhaps in writing, I would figure it all out. well, I haven't. So I must accept the way I feel and be okay with this.
What I have learned in my practice of Reiki is that life and death comes upon me without warning. All of a sudden a part of me is dying, and mostly, it is a painful death. The length of time I suffer is really up to me. If I resist then I suffer a great deal! I also see that life gives me whatever is my next challenge...we live on and with the earth. She/He is a force and entity of its own. Magnificent! Scary sometimes! Awesome! Inspiring! Serene beyond belief! All of these we have experienced in our lives and now in the lives of those in northern Japan.
I am touched by their panic and their losses. This is my projection. I am touched by the powerful waves that swept up the huge ocean liners and barges like matchsticks. This awakens my fear. I am touched by the number of people lost without ceremony and remembering. This is my worry. I am touched by the shock waves that have gone around the world....even to predictions about the world economy. This amazes me.
What is it I can do? What is my relationship to them? to the events? This is what I am musing about.
I do have relationship. More than some of the other happenings at other times because I have a connection with Japan that has grown within me in the last decades of practice. What also has grown in me is a deep respect for the Japanese people, their resiliency demonstrated after the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and their willingness to be at peace. I trust in their abilities and at the same time hope that when assistance is needed, they will ask and it will be given.
Can or should we take away their pain? Their suffering? Their ability to rise up to the situation and come back to life again, just as many other communities have had to do in the past?
What do we do when we send Reiki there? I love the thought of doing this as I feel it connects us to what is there. However, what really is happening when we do this? I would love to have some thoughts about this......still in confusion about this.
New Topic!
Today I went in to have my yearly mammogram. Now this is in March because this was when I ended my chemo therapy. I will not know the results for a few days. Weird! I felt very vulnerable this morning afterwards and felt myself contract into a little fear. I gave myself some Reiki and realized that what ever happens...I am doing my best and I will meet the next steps as I did this one.
Will let you know what the results are when I get them.
Meanwhile, hormone therapy is going well. I am gaining in strength and feel as though I am losing weight which may go together! And look forward to the time I am not always looking "over my shoulder."
with trust in our world,
Phyllis
Then I had another thought about how the waves traveled from japan to Hawaii to California, just as Reiki did.
Then I thought, maybe I am just not seeing the destruction and chaos that has occurred in these places and am I unfeeling? I have had to think about this for the last few days. I have received emails from many people about Japan and my family there. I do have family there but I am not connected with them at all. And they would be mostly in the southern part of the island, which has not been affected.
Now I am writing....having decided that I must write something and perhaps in writing, I would figure it all out. well, I haven't. So I must accept the way I feel and be okay with this.
What I have learned in my practice of Reiki is that life and death comes upon me without warning. All of a sudden a part of me is dying, and mostly, it is a painful death. The length of time I suffer is really up to me. If I resist then I suffer a great deal! I also see that life gives me whatever is my next challenge...we live on and with the earth. She/He is a force and entity of its own. Magnificent! Scary sometimes! Awesome! Inspiring! Serene beyond belief! All of these we have experienced in our lives and now in the lives of those in northern Japan.
I am touched by their panic and their losses. This is my projection. I am touched by the powerful waves that swept up the huge ocean liners and barges like matchsticks. This awakens my fear. I am touched by the number of people lost without ceremony and remembering. This is my worry. I am touched by the shock waves that have gone around the world....even to predictions about the world economy. This amazes me.
What is it I can do? What is my relationship to them? to the events? This is what I am musing about.
I do have relationship. More than some of the other happenings at other times because I have a connection with Japan that has grown within me in the last decades of practice. What also has grown in me is a deep respect for the Japanese people, their resiliency demonstrated after the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and their willingness to be at peace. I trust in their abilities and at the same time hope that when assistance is needed, they will ask and it will be given.
Can or should we take away their pain? Their suffering? Their ability to rise up to the situation and come back to life again, just as many other communities have had to do in the past?
What do we do when we send Reiki there? I love the thought of doing this as I feel it connects us to what is there. However, what really is happening when we do this? I would love to have some thoughts about this......still in confusion about this.
New Topic!
Today I went in to have my yearly mammogram. Now this is in March because this was when I ended my chemo therapy. I will not know the results for a few days. Weird! I felt very vulnerable this morning afterwards and felt myself contract into a little fear. I gave myself some Reiki and realized that what ever happens...I am doing my best and I will meet the next steps as I did this one.
Will let you know what the results are when I get them.
Meanwhile, hormone therapy is going well. I am gaining in strength and feel as though I am losing weight which may go together! And look forward to the time I am not always looking "over my shoulder."
with trust in our world,
Phyllis
2011-03-03
A long winter
This winter has been a long one for many of us, even here in Arizona. At the beginning of February when the weather usually starts its warming trend, we had record breaking lows and severe winds. The temperature went down to the low 20 degrees F and many of the cactuses were frost bitten. Not the saguaros! Thank goodness. All during February the night time temperatures have been mostly below freezing and the palm trees and other tropical trees are looking pretty bad. I don't know whether they are actually frozen or they will come back. The date palms in front of our house have a little green on the inside of their leaves (fronds) so I hope they are okay.
For me, I have had a lot of Reiki contact,at the beginning of the month with Phil Morgan. We co-facilitated a workshop called Reiki, a sacred path of healing. It was a major time for me to look at losing weight. Since this workshop, I have stayed on a simple diet and am losing weight. It does not seem to be as difficult as before. Some of the struggle is gone! So this leads me to feeling better about myself and my walking is better. Then had a Master Intensive here with Paul Mitchell and this was also a good time to be with the system and our practice. Since then I have had visitors who are also Reiki Masters. We have exchanged treatments and my emotional health is getting better. I have not yet used the antidepressants! This is a good thing. Thanks to Reiki.
The Port removal was an amazing process. As I felt the port being taken out of my body, I actually was sad! And miss its presence there on my left side. I am glad to have it NOT be there.....but have been curious about missing it. So I treated myself with a distant treatment and got in touch with a culture that I had been immersed in...the cancer culture, where everyone is so kind and generous. I wonder if I will miss this! Or if I will find this in my life! Not that I don't have kind and generous friends, colleagues, and professional connections, but there is a quality of this that is definitely different.
I still have the "seri-stripes" on my left side where the stitches still remain. I treat myself extra long there in the mornings and wonder when they will be absorbed into my body! I am continually amazed at the body and its resilience.
The projects that I have on my desk right now are consuming me.....the web site is still in process, the preparation for the presentation of the Reiki Home is in its final stages, and there are medical insurance things that need documenting and so on. The desk is piled up and I wonder if I will get through it all. I am becoming clear about how people get into pacing the floor!
But I have been better about receiving Reiki and this always puts me into a better frame of mind. Sometimes I wonder if the state of mind after Reiki is avoidance or a good way to be. At this point, I see and feel it as a better way to be....testing the concepts of the principle "Just for today, do not worry!
I was treating myself this morning, realizing I had not posted a blog entry for a while, and realizing that it has been good for me to simply share with you. Thank you for listening and for responding! You all are a great support for me.
There are parts of me that have gone and the parts that are left are wondering what to do! Like the beautiful desert palms, the cactus, and the sweet trees that have been frozen, the part of me that loved traveling is gone. What replaces this part? How will I be able to continue to support myself financially? Will there be something to replace this part? All this seems to be a mystery now. I have to trust in the greater process that Reiki is taking me through. Deep breath! Thanks for being there!
Phyllis
For me, I have had a lot of Reiki contact,at the beginning of the month with Phil Morgan. We co-facilitated a workshop called Reiki, a sacred path of healing. It was a major time for me to look at losing weight. Since this workshop, I have stayed on a simple diet and am losing weight. It does not seem to be as difficult as before. Some of the struggle is gone! So this leads me to feeling better about myself and my walking is better. Then had a Master Intensive here with Paul Mitchell and this was also a good time to be with the system and our practice. Since then I have had visitors who are also Reiki Masters. We have exchanged treatments and my emotional health is getting better. I have not yet used the antidepressants! This is a good thing. Thanks to Reiki.
The Port removal was an amazing process. As I felt the port being taken out of my body, I actually was sad! And miss its presence there on my left side. I am glad to have it NOT be there.....but have been curious about missing it. So I treated myself with a distant treatment and got in touch with a culture that I had been immersed in...the cancer culture, where everyone is so kind and generous. I wonder if I will miss this! Or if I will find this in my life! Not that I don't have kind and generous friends, colleagues, and professional connections, but there is a quality of this that is definitely different.
I still have the "seri-stripes" on my left side where the stitches still remain. I treat myself extra long there in the mornings and wonder when they will be absorbed into my body! I am continually amazed at the body and its resilience.
The projects that I have on my desk right now are consuming me.....the web site is still in process, the preparation for the presentation of the Reiki Home is in its final stages, and there are medical insurance things that need documenting and so on. The desk is piled up and I wonder if I will get through it all. I am becoming clear about how people get into pacing the floor!
But I have been better about receiving Reiki and this always puts me into a better frame of mind. Sometimes I wonder if the state of mind after Reiki is avoidance or a good way to be. At this point, I see and feel it as a better way to be....testing the concepts of the principle "Just for today, do not worry!
I was treating myself this morning, realizing I had not posted a blog entry for a while, and realizing that it has been good for me to simply share with you. Thank you for listening and for responding! You all are a great support for me.
There are parts of me that have gone and the parts that are left are wondering what to do! Like the beautiful desert palms, the cactus, and the sweet trees that have been frozen, the part of me that loved traveling is gone. What replaces this part? How will I be able to continue to support myself financially? Will there be something to replace this part? All this seems to be a mystery now. I have to trust in the greater process that Reiki is taking me through. Deep breath! Thanks for being there!
Phyllis
2011-02-09
Another milestone
So far so good! I have been receiving almost daily hands on treatments.....we did a lot over the weekend self-treatments together, hands on and distant treatments. This was great and now I am home and having friends come over and treat me. I appreciate the distant and this gives me the backup support that I really need. Thank you!
Today...this morning ...wednesday....I am going in to the hospital to have my port taken out. It is a plastic thing that they put into my major vein near my collarbone on the left side. The little "hose" goes into my heart where they deliver the chemo therapy! Yuk! It has been creepy to have it in me all this time. They did not take it out before in order to be sure I did not have another reason to use it. So this is a great milestone and I am happy to have it out...but not happy about the procedure.
Joyce is going with me and she will be "holding my hand." For those who are reading this now.....you can hold my etheric hand!
Another milestone of recovery.
More later....when I come back! Phyllis
Today...this morning ...wednesday....I am going in to the hospital to have my port taken out. It is a plastic thing that they put into my major vein near my collarbone on the left side. The little "hose" goes into my heart where they deliver the chemo therapy! Yuk! It has been creepy to have it in me all this time. They did not take it out before in order to be sure I did not have another reason to use it. So this is a great milestone and I am happy to have it out...but not happy about the procedure.
Joyce is going with me and she will be "holding my hand." For those who are reading this now.....you can hold my etheric hand!
Another milestone of recovery.
More later....when I come back! Phyllis
2011-01-27
Home from El Paso
I have just arrived home from my teaching trip to El Paso. The Reiki has been fabulous! I made it a priority to have a treatment every day...which I did! And mostly in the mornings which was great because my nights are still not settled...so having a good treatment (sometimes 2 hours) was a life saver. Then I also was in the energy of teaching a First Degree class and a Second Degree class. Both were special...as usual!!! I loved seeing my students from the years past. They are doing well and their Reiki is strong and clear. So wonderful to see the development of a community too!
In the afternoons I was able to have time to visit with some of the students that I taught some years ago and to reconnect in a good way. I had great hosts and they treated me well.
So now my next step is to keep this up at home! Luckily Phil Morgan is arriving tomorrow afternoon and we will have a workshop together at Kenyon Ranch next week.
With all my appreciation for your treatments which are the foundation for my good mind right now.
I appreciate your time and willingness to keep supporting me through this time of ups and downs.
Phyllis
In the afternoons I was able to have time to visit with some of the students that I taught some years ago and to reconnect in a good way. I had great hosts and they treated me well.
So now my next step is to keep this up at home! Luckily Phil Morgan is arriving tomorrow afternoon and we will have a workshop together at Kenyon Ranch next week.
With all my appreciation for your treatments which are the foundation for my good mind right now.
I appreciate your time and willingness to keep supporting me through this time of ups and downs.
Phyllis
2011-01-16
Treatment request
Dear Readers, I have found myself in another state. Lately I have been having periods of really down times. It has not been easy sometimes and there are some good insights that come forth. However, it is getting to be that I am not able to function very well and not with my usual attention.
I went to my Medical Oncologist a few days ago and told her what had been happening. The good news is that my estrogen levels are very low and this is the condition they are looking for to create another margin around the cancer. It is good that I am able to do this on supplements and not her medication. The not so great side effects is what she calls "moodiness." Her solution is anti-depressants, which i am tempted to take because my state of being is deteriorating as the time goes by.
This week I am teaching in El Paso and have the mornings off for 10 days. I am going to schedule treatments every day and get some exercise. Perhaps this will help. I will be staying with a family who is very into exercise. Perhaps I will be influenced!
At the same time, there is a dear friend and Reiki Master colleague who is not doing well. She found she had cancer in her lungs and it has gone to brain tumors. I am sad not to be able to fly to the UK to visit her...and sad that she is most likely going to die before I see her again. I try to keep current and say what I need when I have the chance because one never knows what is going to happen. This came from an experience I had in my twenties. So on one level it is fine...and on another I don't feel finished!
This situation is not helping my state of mind.
I would appreciate renewed efforts around sending me Reiki, especially in my mornings. These seem to be the worst time.
With appreciation,
Phyllis
I went to my Medical Oncologist a few days ago and told her what had been happening. The good news is that my estrogen levels are very low and this is the condition they are looking for to create another margin around the cancer. It is good that I am able to do this on supplements and not her medication. The not so great side effects is what she calls "moodiness." Her solution is anti-depressants, which i am tempted to take because my state of being is deteriorating as the time goes by.
This week I am teaching in El Paso and have the mornings off for 10 days. I am going to schedule treatments every day and get some exercise. Perhaps this will help. I will be staying with a family who is very into exercise. Perhaps I will be influenced!
At the same time, there is a dear friend and Reiki Master colleague who is not doing well. She found she had cancer in her lungs and it has gone to brain tumors. I am sad not to be able to fly to the UK to visit her...and sad that she is most likely going to die before I see her again. I try to keep current and say what I need when I have the chance because one never knows what is going to happen. This came from an experience I had in my twenties. So on one level it is fine...and on another I don't feel finished!
This situation is not helping my state of mind.
I would appreciate renewed efforts around sending me Reiki, especially in my mornings. These seem to be the worst time.
With appreciation,
Phyllis
2011-01-10
Be the Change
This last weekend I had the pleasure of living one of my after cancer dreams. This was to spend a weekend with masters from the local Arizona area at the Kenyon Ranch with the intention of being together in harmony. We came from different forms of practice and different backgrounds intending to meet as one. We did it!
There was a challenge to this. On Saturday morning, our local congresswoman, U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, was shot as well as several others around her. 5 people died. She is still in critical condition. The man who shot these people seems to be a mixed up man with a wish to have our government feel supportive and "talk straight," I can certainly understand and agree with his wish but not with his way of expressing his frustration, powerlessness, and helplessness.
We found out when we broke for lunch. We had agreed to meet for a session with one of the masters who lead Dances of Universal Peace. She choose dances for us that allowed us to feel our connection, to gather " all people" in our arms, and to express our longing to be there with our Reiki hands. This was a great way to integrate the news and to set a course of compassion for everyone involved. We ended the day feeling as connected as a group could be, holding this paradox that someone else on that day felt so separated from himself that he was able to kill.
Today when I heard the news, reminding me about the minute of silence for the people who have died and the ones who are wounded, i began to feel the sadness come over me. Finally I had to go to bed taking a hot water bottle with me to comfort my neck which had a funny crink in it! I gave myself Reiki, relaxed the muscles in my neck, and slept for a time. When I woke up, I felt better.
After lunch, I recorded a conversation with Susan Mitchell for the radio show. The subject was compassion. It was a good interview and I was able to sort through some of my response to this shock wave. Violence seems to start a wave that ripples out and I was rocked by it.
Imagine how it must be to be in this kind of violence day and night? I cannot. And because of this, I search myself for the understanding of what it must be like for the man who was at the epicenter of this violence. He is a part of me. I am a part of him. We are one.
I am at peace when I write this. But how can I live this? I want to push him out of me and declare that I have nothing of that in me. I only have disgust and disbelief. But I wonder, about the life I wish to lead? How can I include him the in the practice of the precepts? How can I include him in the One?
And this is my challenge. I hold this softly and gently. I pray for us all that our hearts remain open.
i remember the feeling of Saturday night's circle and remember the One.
with trust in all that is happening,
Phyllis
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